4 Months no write...

I haven't been on this in a minute, lets have a catch up list shall we?
New and exciting and other touchy things

- First and foremost I got a puppy. She's adorable her daddy was 1/2 Beagle and 1/2 German Shepherd and her mommy 100% pitbull. So that makes her 1/4 1/4 and 1/2 pit.
- Shes going to train to be a psychiatric service dog for my PTSD. PTSD- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
- I learned more about that diagnosis completely on accident, I suffered an emotional trauma when I was young, don't remember it because my brain blocked it out as to not overwhelm me because my brain wouldnt have been able to handle it.
- In turn it causes me to have nightmares, difficulty with my emotions, oversensitivity, hypervigallence, and alot of my other issues I dont feel like listing but its what makes me so needy and difficult and A puppy/ dog/ bestfriend in animal form apparently is awesome and well nothing else has worked and people dont stick around much
- Not working doing my own thing for right now i flirt with my Eating disorder alot im nervous about it constantly, I dont feel stable for too long I carry an addiction to destroying myself
- Nervous about what the world is coming to
- Sad about the relationship with my parents
- Grandma pretty sure has oral cancer that may have spread to the bone in her jaw, she has to have her gums cut and sewn, everything that goes on with her raises panic
-  crave rewinding time and being at my house more, its next to impossible
- Oh the system is impossible to not live within im waiting for martial law to be called for. Pay attention im not nuts youll think of me when it happens
- Im confused
- Im happy
- Im sad
- Im lost
- I wonder if this ever stops spinning in circles the world I mean.... I wonder If Ill ever live without fear at the core of my being
- I wonder if there really are soulmates in which people can withstand and love you forever
- I miss running I miss feeling free driving free on highways
- Maybe ill wander more......

thats my rant about myself