Nobody knows where they might end up..
Sunday, January 16, 2011My head is spinning I swore I was going to take something for the excruciating amount of pain im in but I havent and I really should. Driving again tonight I realized more, apparently driving is a time when you think more, between my chain smoking and music I go totally hippie mode and space and think...
I'm heavily broken and I don't know what to do can't you see that I'm choking and I can't even move when there's nothing left to say what can you do I'm heavily broken and there's nothing I can do
Im not upset, the emotions lately that I get, its not being upset in the sense of what the fuck happened its pure and utter confusion. You know something so well, everything ever little detail, and then it comes crashing down. When you finally take a step back to look at the mess that just happened everything floods your mind all at once and youre left with confusion. Was that real? Did that really happen? ect. All that confusion just leads to depression which leads to anxiety which leads to attempting to keep so busy you dont eat sleep all you do is move move move, all so you dont have time to think or sit with yourself, with the thoughts.
Feels like I'm drowning I'm screaming for air louder I'm crying and you don't even care
Fear becomes a constant, self sabotage a daily occurrence and everything just blurs together. The moments that have hope, a glimmer, a flicker, a smile are suffocated by this feeling of fear. The happy angel on your shoulder is looking at you with an upset frown, you know what shes thinking, you know why shes questioning your thoughts. Youre wasting, passing over, flying through some of the most amazing moments in your life in a sense shes screaming WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! STOP! but you cant cause you dont know how, and most of the time youre trying. The shell that is you is just stuck...stuck..yea..stuck
Almost giving up on trying almost heading for a fall and now my mind is screaming out I've gotta keep on fighting but then again it doesn't end
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
I'm heavily broken
What can you do
I'm heavily broken
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