who do you think you are runnin round leaving scars

Steady for 4 days, 4 days no more then 500 calories certain days 400. It amazes me how my mind falls right back, I was eating more regularly and I wasnt happy about it the guilt and just annoyance at myself was grabbing at me. As soon as I planned my meals the first day I was bad to "dont touch that"..."Dont eat that"..."Look dont swallow"... It also amazes me how quickly my body gets tired and dizzy from the lack of food. I almost passed out in the shower yesterday and in that sick twisted way it was pleasurable.

Moods are kicking my ass, mind racing and sleepy I think I started a panic attack and the more I think the more Im freaking out about nothing just a general feeling I get that throws me for a loop.. Starting weight was 110 this morning I dared to check and im sliding down 106 is the magic number of the day...This entry is going to be a tad different Im going to link the site Confessions about eating disorders and quote some things that I find relevant from the site

Also the criterea for Anorexia Nervosa is under review to be changed <--Click to see

16834) I get so scared that I’ll faint and hit my head on something hard or that I’ll faint while driving and cause an accident. I get so scared about these things but I don’t eat any more because I’m more scared of being fat

16862) You were running your hands up and down my body as I was sitting on your lap. All I could think of was how fat my thighs looked. At that moment you were telling me how perfect I am. I will never see that perfection that runs through your eyes.

16792) People always ask me why I am so obsessed with Taylor Swift’s song “Tied Together With a Smile”. It’s because I am the girl in the song. They may not see it because no one would expect it from me but it’s slowly killing me. I can’t stop.

16791) I can’t remember the last time I looked at another girl’s body and didn’t compare it to my own.

16776) I starve myself so when in the winter the snow won’t crunch under me.

16751) “Fine, don’t eat. But I won’t feel sorry for you when you’re in the hospital”. I didn’t fucking ask you to feel sorry for me, I’m not doing this for you. You’ll never understand.

16750) The day he called me scum was the day I relapsed.

16737) My ED is my best friend. I recovered for a while and thought that I was happy but now that I’ve relapsed, it’s like an old friend coming home. But an old friend I know is bad for me and pulling me down

16728) Everyone in my house are practically killing themselves. The others, from gluttony, overeating, alcohol and myself, from starvation. The only difference is that I’ll be thin when I’m dead.

16687) I am in love with my eating disorder - it’s never let me down, like everyone else has

16677) I’m looking forward to going back to school because it means I can distract myself from eating and get my bones showing again…

16647) I can’t keep fighting anymore. I’m sorry ***, I give in. It’s back. Please don’t make me choose between you and the eating disorder, because I don’t know how to choose between my brain and my heart.

16632) I took up smoking, smoking more than just a “social smoker” because someone mentioned how it’s supposed to stop you feeling hungry. It works but now I feel pathetic.

Anonymous: My girlfriend died of heart failure, due to anorexia nervosa. I watched my beautiful baby starve herself to death, I had no clue what was happening. I was brought up with 4 brothers, and none of them had body issues ever.. I just thought she was going through a phase, but delving deeper into everything that happened, she was suffering all along. Her sister went through her personal computer, and found all these links to tumblr, most of them leading to this page. I hope other people who read this page, realise the devastating effects it has upon the people who get left behind. I miss my sweetcheeks so much... please don't suffer in silence like she did.