New year?

Im contemplating attaching this to my youtube that way it gets more hits and when im not vlogging everyone still has updates. I have ten minutes to write whatever and then i have to shower and peace out to wawa for work...


So this weekend was pretty awesome I spent it with the gf Ill elaborate more on that later. Ive been sick the past like two days we think it may be withdrawal shit. ive lost now 4 pounds in 2 days which is a huge trigger cause i dont want to eat anything now which im loving and hating all at once...


Back


No work today lol I got there and my agm was like what are you doing here and im like uhh working and hes like uh no youre not soo im supposed to be there tomorrow not today which is good cause as soon as i got home i was in the bathroom drinking and eating makes me sick its amazing and terrible and they feeling is making me anxious to the point of tears


My gf believes in me that i can beat this but the question it comes down to is do I want to beat this and when I look in the mirror the answer is no I would love to let it consume me alive at this rate im convinced that treatment is the only way to knock this cause no matter how much i try even if i gain 10 llbs in a month and eat okay im aways back to needing to lose it and going insane..
Idk =(
im going to sleep things are better that way