losing it

Pen on paper seems so much more appealing but paper gets found and read in my house.


I managed about 10 or 11 days of normal eating I guess you could call it, in other words trying not to look at labels or obsessing about weight and at certain moments I did others I didnt so I was content but in the end not really because it always comes down to the moment when someone starts talking about food or working out or how they dont look good or comparing that I want to cry and just start to twitch..Im there..I cant stand the mirror again, I cant stand public, the thought of needing to get dressed, the thought of eyes skimming me.


Then I see like crazy skinny chicks and I just snap. Sometimes I want to be better sometimes I dont, and when I can hold my own for a few days in the sense of trying to get better im like wow but its not real.


So im gonna go back to my regimine and add the gym in once my knee is better


I hate hating myself.
to the point of tears.