My best is never enough

I try not to live in the past as much as I do. I also try not to get stuck in wishful thinking because nothing ever turns out the way its wished to be. Im beginning to believe the saying don't have expectations because if you have no expectations you wont be let down or however that goes. Im also beginning to think that if I need something done I need to do it and not lean on others at all in any sense because that way you cant get let down either. I feel like life is just getting up for the let down. 
Its a terrible feeling to be your own worst enemy to not know what to think or feel to question every thought that crawls through your head question your fate. Its a terrible feeling to look in the mirror and have your skin crawl because you hate what you see. Its a terrible feeling to want and tell yourself you are unworthy. Its scary to not want to be anymore.


"I know someday someway things will get better"... that is until they aren't


I always wonder if things would be better clear cut and set out for you like a book where you could see everything fall into place where you could see each blow see each success see each and every monument. I guess that would take away from the "game" of life though...


je ne se pais