fear of nightmares? I wonder if there's a diagnonsense for that hmmm

Its amazing how a binge in my mind consists of a few handfuls of cereal and cashews 3 spoonfuls of rice a wheat thin and a carrot...am I losing it?? Im freaking out and telling myself im solely allowed redbull and cigarettes tomorrow. Does A&D help cuts? im hoping thats the case if not I actually have to invest in neosporin. Thats what I get for playing etch a sketch. The good thing is because of my tatt I wont cut on my arms now or at least I think thats good.

Today was the first day of school it felt awesome to be back in routine at the same time completely and utterly overwhelming since I havent had a full semester since last spring when I failed two classes. Mommy and daddy are nice and trying to make conversation and seem interested but I know theyre just waiting to hear I failed something. I told my mom I got a C in spanish today, she replied with "thats not bad"...I get angry thinking about it now, before anything lower then a B sent them into rage now what Im just the failure with a C thats "good" not just "acceptable" like it used to be....pshhh the bar has been dropped boy are they in for a rude awakening

I have this like fantasy in my head it consists of someone anyone being able to look at me and just know exactly what Im thinking what im feeling how much I hurt sometimes and being able to fix it soothe it. Yes I know good luck with that. Id love for a random stranger to just be like hey I know its okay..."cmere" ill hold you till its better..is that reality?

The scale is stuck at 104 or at least it was yesterday morning plateau and a fucked up metabolism. Tonight I was leaning in the shower finishing up when I got a pain in the left side of my chest it was instant and everytime i tried to take a breath radiated through my chest. Ive had chest pain before but nothing like that it scared me for a little till after I sat down but Im fine now. Im thinking chest pain isnt good... its coming and going now faintly not as bad. Chew and spit...perhaps its bedtime